don't feel like sleeping. so i'm doing this so i'll feel tired soon enough.

in trials, call upon the manifold grace of God, for there's a matching hue of grace for every trial. be strong, for we are ordained to be more than conquerors in every situation [rom 8:37]

truly, all i need is You, Lord. it's You.
i can't go on without.
You are my world. You are my God.
And i lay down my life for You.
You are my Lord. the one i love.
no one could ever take Your place.
and it's amazing how even as i listen to this song, sung by little kids, my heart is broken.

even how things went wrong on sat... i ended up going for cell afterall... that got me labelled as rebellious. but i don't really care. i couldn't bear to have my sat afternoon wasted doing nothing.
and cell was GOOD! just what i was asking God for the past week. more of Him.
message was 'are you hungry?'
and truly i was. both naturally and spiritually at that point.
and as the various questions were directed back to us individuals... i was glad i was growing. (:
had to leave early cos i had violin concert practice.
that turned out to be fun as well!
but then had to return to a gloomy house.
so i basically spent my time cramming homework so that my sunday would be free!
and i was free till my teacher called. telling me my PI had major problems and a new draft needs to be handed in tmr!
i knew i wouldn't make it. seriously. no amount of effort now would enable me to complete it.
service today. hmm. it's just (:
God still moves!

when things have got me down
and no one is around
i've got JESUS! i've got JESUS!
everybody everywhere..c'mon c'mon lemme hear you say,
everything's okay
and everything's alright
cos' i've got JESUS in my life!

ooookay. this post is so song lyric-y.
my trust lies in Him. cos He'll bring me through!
Love You.

it's been a real weird week.
so many things just flew past. (>.<)
kenna scolded by so many ppl for so many different reasons. so weird la.
argh.
FINALLY found new target for PI. managed to do up a pretty nice one. hopefully TWY feels the same way too.....i seriously pray she would.
pretty much an aching week. no time to recooperate after pe and all the lactic acid still stuck in places...and it hurts like dunno wad....!!
barely meeting 5 hours of sleep per day.
forging bonds with caffeine and sour sweets.
snacking crackers during lessons. raahs.
but somehow i never get caught for doing work while sprawled on my table, or slouching over my bag and stuff... it's like i display the most obvious signs of exhaustion and limpness...but nothing ever happens. even if i'm like totally stoning during lessons or lectures...no one realises. they think i'm actually listening intently. my goodness. am i good or am i good? lol.
ok no. sherni better wake up before she lags behind everyone else by 1 chapter.
true enough. i flunked math and chem. well..no one passed actually. and econs..i realised i read the qn wrongly so my whole answer was supporting the wrong side. raahs. wasted.
council elections.
why call it democratic elections when it's afterall a popularity contest?
and gp discussion was like crap.
were humans born good and made evil? or were they born evil straightaway?
and the teacher says................we are all born evil!! oh wow. hi. i was born evil. lame crap la.
why use such a harsh term? how bout..sin nature..that the world totally creates a conducive environment for it to grow? but no. u can't blame society..u blame God. lame _. pollution i'd say.
TL discussion.... we all go through 7 different reincarnations. rubbish.
and i got to sit there like some moron and listen to all this crap.
sit in the canteen..and the whole world is like engaging in serious gossip.
like where can i go? it's everywhere.
and like those extraded ppl in class......... i mean yah..no one can't stand their attitudes...
neither can i....but at least try show them some form of respect la.
i mean even i struggle to accept them...it's not that i totally shun them and stuff.... but it's so hard. ):
God give me a new heart, to love everyone no matter how horrible they may be..cos it was You who first loved us while we were still incorrigible.
i can't go on. it's like your heart is being pulled in so many different directions and u dunno wad to do.
it's so hard to be that perfect example.
i was pretty shocked when i faced the super selfish and jealous side of me. i even questioned myself. like what was i thinking??
apart from all that..managed to finally catch hold of the reach teacher..got myself looped in for weekly classroom attachments at the spastic children's association of singapore. can't wait. sounds so satisfying. (: hopefully this'll get me what i want in future. no wait.first must get As then even think of these stuff.. his. mug 7am to 1am.18hours a day with an active absorbent mind. no rest so stressed. i should be off to sleep. it's 1.30am!

back from M'sia!! feels great to be in S'pore again.
been so busy this week. barely slept each day.
annoying people exist in this world to train your patience.
only went for half and hour of guitar practice cos i had presentation to do over at ics mtg. so lame la. rah!
if not for the Holy Spirit, i would have blew up at some of them present there.
hais.
found out hidden characters in some ppl. man, i was shocked. but that's reality. everyone wants to emerge as champions in this rat race. so they'd do anything that'll help them achieve it.
missed half a day of lessons on thurs to go watch guitar ensemble syf performances.
was AWESOME! super nice!!!!!!
mj got GOLD!
haha.
yay. but then came home like so late then still had stuff to do.... as usual slept at like 1.
then fri, woke up at like 4 just so that i can make it to sch at 5.30am. groggily arrived at sch.....
and so annoying la...us three j1s were the first to arrive. seriously.... indians got rubber timing! they only started arriving at like 5.45 la!! rah!! don't they know wad punctuality is? ):
LOL. ok oops. so much complaints. not good not good.

haha. ok. arrived at the sch in m'sia at like close to 8. right in the middle of an oil palm plantation. weird. but the atmosphere was so tranquil. how nice if all sch's were like that...no stress man! oh man the kids there were like so cute!!
aah. at first i felt weird cos they only could speak tamil. and i was bad at speaking tamil...
and the worst part was..i was made 2nd IC for the overall trip, meaning i had to run certain parts of the programme on my own. but then, after realising the level of eng the kids had i dumped the duty on another person...who was far better in tamil than me. oh man. so paiseh. but nvm. used that time to chat and help my teacher out. she's so nice! whaha. ok nvm. eventually i overcame the language barrier thing and well, that when all the real fun started.
and when it was time to bid farwell at the end of the day... one of the girls wanted me to go home with her and have dinner with her..oh man i almost cried. she's so sweet. but i felt bad that i had no choice but to say no to her...

haha so after all was done...we completed the mural painting on e sch wall.. then went back..and he rest of the time there was leisure. lol. shopping was so pathetic..2hrs in a big mall..might as well not shop right? lol. oh we did batik painting. so now got 2 in my house. aiyo.
haha.
felt good to be back in church man. productive few hours before service. then went back home piah work again. so no life man. lol.

monday. 3 tests in one day. but they weren't as bad as i thought. still can do la. but dun think i'll do well enough to pass hahaha. oops.
pi still dangling in the air. and deadline's next fri!!!! ohno ohno ohno!!!
AAH.
God help.
still need to sign up for the scas attachment thing online..but then the stupid registration closed like million years ago and NO ONE told me. so now need to go beg teacher to let me in... hais. aahhs. technological advancements aren't always beneficial.

back to typing pages of notes. yays. so fun yea? (:

completed another week at sch! yay me!
haha. beginning to hate PW.
it's such a waste of brain cells.
lol.
SPAs aren't any better. got my first F for chem. wow.
if i'm not wrong..i got F for econs consolidation exercise. i amaze myself.
maths lecturer looks like a fishmonger. oops.
econs lecturers still scare me.
cca time is fun!
haha i learnt how to pluck a song on the guitar!!!!!!!!! yay!!
and i'm going to support the j2s for SYF on thurs! so fun!!
but cos of that i'll miss bio practical. ): not good not good.
then on fri..going for m'sia CIP help out the kids at the orphanage and paint them a sch mural!
coz of that i miss sch entirely on fri as well....and got to miss zone mtg on sat. ):
but overseas CIP is fun. and looks good on portfolio too..... !!
LOL
just had bio test today. gonna have econs test on tues. chem test on thurs. maths test the following monday.
there's just one word for it - MUG!!!!!!!!!!!
got panda eyes. )):
looks bad. feels bad.
BUT.
i got back my 4-pack! yes!!! and my triceps(i think). LOL
this feels good. haha
i'm like crapping rubbish here. cos i'm bored and not wanting to go do my tutorials cos this is the only day i get to relax a little more than usual.
off to shop for daddy's prezzie! :D

ok this is some weird article i was given to read for gp. but it made alot of sense. it's witten by a lady who wonders why it's so good to have a wife.
~
here's just an exerpt:
Why do i want a wife?

i wld like to go back to sch so that i can be economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependent on me. i want a wife who will work and send me to sch. and while i am gg to sch i want a wife to take care of my children. i want a wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. i want a wife to keep track of mine, too. i want a wife to make sure my children eat properly, and are kept clean. i want a wife who will wash the children's clothes and keep them mended. i want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure they have an adequate social life with theier peers, take them to the park, the zoo. i want a wife who take care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, i cannot miss classes at school. my wife must arragne to lose time at work and not lose the job. it may mean a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but i guess i can tolerate that. needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wfe is working.

i want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. i want a wife who will keep my house clean. a wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will pick up after me. i want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper places so that i can find what i need the minute i need it. i want a wife who cook the meals, who is a good cook. i want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while i do my studying. i want a wife who will care for me when i am sick and sympathise with my pain and loss of time from school. i want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's duty. but i want a wife who will listen to me when i feel the need to explain a rather difficul point i have come across in my course of studies. and i want a wife who will type my papers for me when i have written them.

i want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. when my wife and i are invited out by my friends, i want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. when i meet people at school that i like and wan to entertain, i want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when i talk about thins that interest me and my friends. i want a wife who will have arranged tht the childrena re fed and ready for bed when my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. i want a wife who will take care of the needs of my guest so that they feel comfortable, that they are offered a second helping of food, that their wine-glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it. and i want a wife who knows that sometimes i need a night out by myself.

.............. and it ends of with, My goodness, who wouldn't want a wife?

~
so much pressure. LOL
my husband better share the responsibilities. or else...

i love this song ALOT!
~
in Christ alone will i glory
though i could pride myself in battles won
for i've been blessed beyond measure
and by His strength alone i'll overcome
and o, i could stop and count successes
like diamonds in my hand
but those trophies could not equal
to the grace by which i stand

in Christ alone, i place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross
in every victory, let it be said of me
my source of hope, my source of strength
is Christ alone

in Christ alone will i glory
for only by His grace i am free
and only His tender mercy
could reach beyond my weakness to my need
and now, i seek no greater honor
than just to know Him more
and to count my gains with losses
to the glory of my Lord

in Christ alone, i place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross
in every victory, let it be said of me
my source of hope, my source of strength
is Christ alone
~
this song by brian littrell... is practically sums up my emotions for the past whole week.
like just how God has done so much for me and how i want to return the glory back to Him.
it's like.. to speak the truth.. i'm not liking mj. and i thought i'm just gna die there cos everyone else there is like FAR FAR smarter..and ahead of me in terms of syllabus. and i'm like this small puny creature who totally has no clue to what's gg on. !!!
BUT. things changed on fri.
stupid parents' orientation thing. boring and pointless. isn't that just the mindset everyone has?
trust me. it was nothing close to pointless. it's kinda weird to hear it coming from someone like me..but yah truly was good.
the teachers are really willing to go all out to fulfil the aspirations of their students.
i can't really explain in what way....cos too many good stuff just happened all at the same time. and some stuff are just not meant to be shared. but seriously, i think i might just make it to where i want to afterall...!!!!
tt's just one wonderful thing that happened recently. one other would be that i passed my violin exam!!!!!!!! yay!! and i passed it so well...whaha..truly by God's grace..cos i know i messed it up quite abit...haha.oh wells. i can move on.
haha.
sat cell was nice. at con's house..oh wait.no. mansion! haha super huge..super nice! haha. yea.
the main message shared was abit duh. but i guess the leaders sensed a need to reiterate the BGR issue. so for now, it's just lots of waiting. wait and wait and wait and wait and wait somemore... for like so many more years... i dun think i can take it..but oh wells. no choice.
certain things he shared..i didn't quite agree...rah. but still must submit. so fine..
God will bring me through!

haha went to church late today. din go for 1st service. sat at macs for 2 hours eating and mugging. it felt weird. mugging with lj?!bother bother. haha. weird.
then went for service... was so good. loved it.
to take up the cross. something that i've been (dunno wad verb to use) this week..
but yah. to chooose God over any other thing, person or circumstance.
it's like u keep ur promise with God and He'll fulfil His too...and i think that's just great.. (:
leelee was praying for me and he totally messed up my hair..like wad's up with that??? so not normal. haha ok wadever.
looking forward to a great week...
there's church on thurs..fri..sat.and sun! yay! (: