career talks....jc talks...haiz..

they din really impact me.
just that the vj talk was super nice.
of course, the heart is there...but the mind knows the impossiblility.
haha..i can just wait long long.

i still have no idea wad i'm gonna do in future.
maybe it's cos i dunt care right now.
but most probably i'll just be a speech pathologist for kids or some other wad..psychologist for kids or smthing.... definitely no accounts for me.. ugh

enough with that...tmr getting back results...!!
aah. i only trust God on wad He's got planned out for me.
still, i dun think i'll get wad i want la..
_________________________________

i'm pretty serious about this okay. STOP.
and i mean it. STOP making false claims.
u're younger than me. u may think u've got it all figured out.
u know wad..even i haven't. so wad makes u think i don't know what i'm doing?
or how i'm doing it all wrong? ur beloved friend did it wrong alright., and she regretted.
i'm not trying to accuse anyone or anything...but will u please just stop poking your nose into my thoughts... i dun mind ur advice. just dun impose them on me. can? :)

i'm not trying to be a nuisance
i just think we can do better than this
and that is just my two cents
u can, u can, take it or leave it

~john reuben - nuisance







** hey, maybe i do need your counselling sessions.

so wonderful.

i failed.

what a ninkampoop. :/

argh..man, i can't stand those uk examiners. look so nice, smile as though we play so wonderfully..talk so nicely..then give us crappy marks. ah. i put my hope in this and now it's trashed. sick. i mean why can't they all come from the same standard and mark based on the same standard. some are so nice and the rest are all so eee-yer.. so super super strict. how then do we find out our true standard if the mark keeps fluctuating.. so unfair!!!!!!!!!!! i totally feel like dropping this whole thing..so irritating ah..pay so much..then so lousy..

well..we'll see the true verdict tmr.. and i wonder what'll mr lee say about wad i got.. i bet he''ll mention abt me not practising enough. lol.

and today, like wow, went shopping. like real only. more liked walked around aimlessly carrying bags of lousy quality and style-less products which weren't even mine. practically wasted my time. i can safely and truly say that i hate shopping. call me nuts, but yes..i hate shopping. like wad's the point in walking around till your legs hurt and still not know wad to buy? and wad's the point in walking around when whatever you choose is never going to be what you'll get?(especially if u go wif smone who is not willing to buy anything which isn't to his/her liking) i mean come on la..it's not you who's gonna own it wad! and the worst part is when they put your stuff last on the list and go everywhere else b4 going to buy your stuff..by then u're too tired to even browse thru racks! and then u brush it aside and go home..an unfulfilled day out.

i hate shopping. even if i go myself.. i'd be too lazy to carry all the stuff and go around choosing stuff and paying and see all the cash run out so fast. i'd rather stay home and watch baseball or soccer. at least it's entertaining.

i'll never make it with all the girl stuff.

and i don't think i'll ever survive the shopping trip for buying that prom dress. i might as well not go to the prom.

Todd Bentley:

REVISITING FIRST LOVE

O that God would stir our hearts with passion; that we would encounter Him with such abandon, that we could all say: "God, I'm as hungry for You today as I was at any other time in my life!" Yes! I want to be challenged and provoked too. I'm preaching to myself today!

O that God would stir our hearts with passion; that we would encounter Him with such abandon, that we could all say: "God, I'm as hungry for You today as I was at any other time in my life!" Yes! I want to be challenged and provoked too. I'm preaching to myself today!

Panting! Thirsting! But thirsting for what? The answer is here: "When shall I come and appear before God?" Literally, what he is saying is, "When will I have a visitation of God appearing to me?" It's not about us appearing before people. It's about us appearing before God.

The psalmist goes on to say:"O my God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, and from the heights of Hermon--from the Hill Mizar. Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and billows have gone over me." (verse 6, 7)"All Your waves and billows have gone over me." It's not just one wave. It's wave after wave of God's glory and anointing! There is a momentum here.Now, before I speak more about this momentum that comes in prayer, that comes in the glory, and in the anointing, we need to bear something in mind. Here's what God breathed on me quite recently. He said, "Todd, take a look at Revelation 2:4, 5a" --"Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works."Wow. "You have left your first love." We can all think of those days when we were hungrier and more radical for God, devouring our Bible every day. Maybe for you, it was in those first few months that you were a Christian. But now, because of some hard trials, valleys, and disappointments, you realize that you're still walking with God, still reading the Bible and going to church, but there's something missing. It's like there's only a hint of the smell of what was once there. For some of you, it's such a faint memory.Jesus Christ is challenging us, so let's be honest. We need to fall in love with Jesus again--revisit First Love. And I know we're faced with our own carnality, and by how unspiritual we are sometimes. In my own life, as spiritual as I've been at times, I could be hungrier and more on fire. So then, what is the key to awakening first love? The answer is found in the Scripture we just read, "Remember therefore from where you have fallen."

REMEMBERING AND HUNGERING

There's something about when we begin to remember, and allow the Holy Spirit to move in the imagination, taking us back to the greatest times of God's power coming in our lives. It's important to remember those times when we were really hungry. The problem is, sometimes we just accept being lukewarm as normal, and our attitude is: "I've grown up in the church, and I'm a Christian. I don't need to be all that zealous anymore." But Jesus said to "Remember therefore from where you have fallen," and then He goes on to say, "Repent and do the first works." When God speaks to me about the fire, the hunger, the anointing, the glory, and revival, He says to remember. Yet, sometimes I'm like, "Remember what, God?" Then He says to remember the first six months I was saved, "But do you remember those days Todd?"
"God, do I ever, " I say, "I long for those days!" Friends, at that time in my life, I would wait in His presence for 12 hours.

So now, when God says to repent and do the first works, I always remember how I would go after His presence. I always remember how I'd wait for another wave. I always remember how I learned to move in the anointing. I always remember how I'd say, "Come Holy Spirit." I always remember how I'd wait and how I would soak. I always remember the fire and the ravenous hunger and the passion. Because when I remember, it stirs up my passion and hunger for God! It brings me back to my first love, Jesus!

AN ENCOUNTER--JESUS STEPPED IN

I remember one of the first times that God appeared to me. I was so hungry. I was new in the ministry. I moved in the gifts of the Spirit, being really excited about that, and I just wanted to prophesy over anything that moved. At one series of meetings, I told the people that on the last night, everyone would receive a prophetic word. So on the last night, the crowd doubled, and I ministered until about four in the morning. It was a great meeting, but after it was over, I found that I wasn't completely satisfied.
I told the Lord, "You know what I really want God? Your presence." Simultaneously, there was something in my heart that was challenged, and I heard the Lord say, "Hey, Todd. I know you're tired, but can you spend another hour in prayer? Will you love Me when the meeting is over?"
And so I thought 'You know what, Lord. I want to go home and just love on You because that's the only reason this (ministry) all happens.'

So in the car on my way to where I was staying, I said, "God, I'd love to see the Northern Lights." Then within just five minutes of being in my car, boom, the Northern Lights! I thought, 'That's my Father delighting in me as a son because I just love Him so much. I love Him more than the gift' (the anointing).You see, even though I had the joy of giving everybody a prophetic word, I just wanted to get to my place and worship the Lord. It's easy to pray before a meeting, because you want to be anointed, but it's your attitude when the meeting is over that reveals your true character. So much of what I do is because I have a meeting. My challenge is to do what I do because I love Jesus.

So when I got to my place, I thought, 'God I am going to honor You, and I am waiting on You.' As I was lying in my bed, I was thinking, 'God, You are beautiful; You are awesome. I love you! Forget all about the gifts and the power, I'm just back here at four in the morning now, and I'm loving You.'

Jesus Walks In!

Then, in the middle of my worship, all of a sudden I heard my door creak. I looked over at the doorway and it was as if somebody had opened the door, stepped into the room, and shut the door behind them. But I couldn't see anybody. Scared, and my heart pounding, I was lying on my bed thinking, 'Hallelujah, the presence of God is all around me, and somebody has just stepped into my room!' It was so real.As I stared in the darkness, a living rainbow started moving in the room, and right away the only thing I could think of was that it was the "coat of many colors" (Genesis 37:3). It was moving towards me, and out of the colors stepped Jesus. True story! The Lord walked up to my bed, and as He got closer, the room smelled of perfume--the fragrance of the anointing of the King. Have you ever been so close to somebody, you could smell their scent? Heaven has an aroma.Next, He sat down on my bed! It creaked and literally, I saw the impression on my bed (because the Lord was sitting there). His fragrance was vanilla and cinnamon; it was intoxicating, and my body just vibrated, and I thought, 'I am appearing before God.'

REMEMBERING, IGNITES PASSION

Today, by remembering this encounter with Jesus, my passion for Him is ignited once again! You see, that's the cry here in Psalms 42--I am panting, my soul is longing, and I'm thirsting for God--for the living God. And here is what I'm hungry for-- 'When shall I come and appear before God? When will God appear to me? I need an encounter. I need a visitation. I need an experience!'The psalmist goes on to say, "My tears have been my food day and night, while they continually say to me, 'Where is your God?' When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me..,." (Psalms 42:3-4). Look. There's a whole world out there, a mocking world, that's saying today, "Where is your God?" Maybe it comes through some of your mocking friends, family, relationships, or circumstances-- "Where is your God?"Maybe it isn't even people, family, or those you're in relationship with that are saying it, but your own soul is saying, "Yeah, where is God? I grew up in all this church stuff, but where is God? I don't even see love amongst His people." Sometimes even our own soul begins to question, "Where is God? I feel like I am a million miles away. The Heavens are brass and when I pray, there is no answer. So why even pray?" And then before we know it, we're not even talking to God, and we get lukewarm.There are times when Christians get so hopeless and disappointed; so discouraged. I know this is happening among young people and they are saying, "Where is the Lord God of Elijah? Where is the God that we read about in the Bible? Where is the power, where is the reality, and where is the presence? I'm in the valley, man. I'm battling."

Listen. If there is luke-warmness, you have to take responsibility for it. Hey. It's not always the church's fault. You've got to stir yourself up to take hold of God, go to the well yourself, and go to the river of God yourself. You need to say, "I don't just want to go to where the blessing is, I want to be the blessing. I don't just want to go to the revival, I want to carry the revival. I want to be what starts the revival!"

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?" (Psalms 42:5a). Here is a big key that will help you overcome all that junk, "Hope in God for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance" (verse 5b). In other words, be determined to walk into that field of praise, as hard as it is. Just open up your mouth and praise Him; He is worthy, regardless of how you feel.

You've got to be at a place where you stop and say, "Soul, what are you doing, and why are you so complacent? I've got to remember from where I have fallen. I've got to get back that love and that passion and that fire; I've got to get it back! I've got to get rocked again! I've got to repent and do the first works! Something's wrong here. I'm not going to stay here anymore murmuring and going around this mountain. I am going to do something about it!"

The psalmist says in verse 6-7: "O my God, my soul is cast down within in me." He goes on to say (paraphrase): "I'm going to remember you. I am going to remember those visitations. I am going to remember those times in worship. I am going to remember the prophetic promises. I am going to remember the prophetic visions and dreams. I am going to remember when I was on fire. I am going to remember because deep calls unto deep at the noise of your waterfalls; all your waves and your billows have gone over me."

Waves! We're waiting for another wave. It's worth repeating--it's not just one wave. It's wave after wave of God's glory and anointing! I want you to think about that.

well i haven't blogged in like so long.

can't say that it's coz i've been studying. coz i really haven't been. :/

today pst peter tsukahira preached/taught like super well..superly enjoyed the service. good message. plus his accent not bad eh..hehe

can't figure out why japs look alot younger than they really are...

kept having the feeling i was being stared at today ... hais.. dun know who..but whoever the person is..it better stop.. lol..sounds so terribly lame


yesterday lj's bdae..so cool!!! haha..wish it'll happen all the time for the rest of the ppl's bdaes!!!

and oh yah..happy birthday terry!

and guess wad!?? wad i had in june was spot on afterall!!!!! hahah..so cool man! now i can't wait for it to really come to pass... yays!