it's times like these when i seriously want to crawl into a hole and be forgotten about and well..forget everything else too.

only when i think i am doing fine...is it when i'm coping the worst. and right now..*ahem*..yah. i hardly feel stressed at all..but when i do..it's bad alright. theoretically, i have so much time and so little commitments compared to others.. logically, i dunno what's going on..wait..i dunt think that sounded right..ah..who cares..i dun even understand myself. shoots. this totally bites. thinking back now..i seriously dunno why i got mysel into this violin business thing..grade 5 this yr..no big deal..i'd say the same thing..it's just that the sttoopiiid exam falls in aug!! the major month of prelim prep..and i've eng oral on the week i'd 99% have the violin prac..so shoots la..if i miss one or the other i'd just flip..one is super expensive..while the other cannot be retaken..so yah..aaaahhh...and i'm barely prepared for the exam la..4+weeks and i've not even memorised scales..i'm so totally dead..and i've my teacher hounding me for all the many many lessons i've missed and yah..he thinks i'm such a slacker..plus theory..my good ness..can go crazee doing like 2 wks worth of pages...oh no! how to finish by tmr..???? and my theory exam falls together with Os!! how can!! so cramp..sure clash wan..there must be away out..!! this week din even have time!!! slept at 12.30 last night writing lit..and i was so dead tired this morning..i can't make it without sleep..so the on;y possible solution i can think of is for the hours in the day to be lengthened..of which the probability is ZERO..there's not going to be a 30h-day or anything and yah...ahh..dunno how..shoots.

chalet was fun

wah..family chalet was shiok man!! hehe..din expect it to be so fun!!

day one
checked in at 2 then got nothing to do so we just, watched soccer and sat and talked. then waited for my niece to come wif my aunt..wah..she's so cute!! heh..then we prepared for bbq! i have finally learnt how to properly set up the fire and get the stuff all going..haha.. we had so much food i almost flipped. my daddy ah..keep insisting not enuf then keep on buying more seafood..we bbqed like prawns, crabs, squids, chicken, sausages, corn, and yummy crayfish!! haha..plua we had bee hoon and stuff like dat..so nice..eat until super full..even had belated fathers' day cake...

day two
morning went to play baseball wif my sis then went swimming wif her while waiting for the rest of my family to come. had lunch then went bowling!!! haha..so fun..my uncle thought he was so pro and went around teaching everyone...he, being the youngest..so big ego..haha..no la. i think my bowling has improved alot..haha..i beat my daddy!! heh..got 102 pts! i know it's quite bad la..but it's good enuf for me..heh. later went to play frisbee and fly kites wif my cousins..mine flew so high i thought it might 'crash' into the planes that were flying just overhead..as u all know in changi, planes fly every 30secs.so it's so nice to look into the sky..plus since we were near tanah merah ferry terminal..we were near the sea as well..so it was like wow!! supposes to go crabbing..but then my dad had to leave to buy some stuff..so it was postponed.. later i went swimming again but this time wif my sis and my cousin's cousin..who i think should be my cousin..she's so cute..she insisted on calling me kak sherni..haha..i felt so weird..then little sonia darling came for swimming too..aww.she's super adorable!!!! haha..so polite also whenever she wants her own way.. anw..then we came back just in time for bbq again..and had b'dae cake for all the june people in my family..coincidentally all the daughter-in-laws in my family are june ppl.haha. there came a point in the serving of cake time..when my cousin and my niece wanted the orange fruit on the cake..but somehow it was given to my cousin..so my niece nicely went up to naomi..and when she wasn't looking just snatched it off her plate and plopped it her mouth..haha..i tell u the whole scene was super hilarious...plus she did it as if there was nothing wrong in doing that..haha..once everyone went home..like super early..around 9.30..my dad, uncle and other cousin went crabbing..wah..so fun..but very stinky also..cos we used fish head and stingray as bait..and we stood at the huge canal area for about 2+hours..until midnight..we caught 5 crabs..but we threw back one cos i felt sorry for that small one..

day three
last day..more like packing up day..so woke up early and well.just packed up and left the place around10..so early..not even worth the price for the last day..craziness..

so now i'm sittting here..so tired..so sick due to bbq food and smoke from fire and stuff..sians..

know wad..my family super rojak u know..we've got all race in it..indians..than my uncle married chinese..so we've got chinese..then my cousin married a malay..so we've got malay as well..haha..multi-racial..but it's nice having everyone around..more stuff to share and laugh about..the only sad thing is that everything has to be halal to accomodat my relatives..which means no pork. :( heh..

my uncle wants the next family thing to be a cruise..haha..i said wait long long..

read this from an article :

"Perhaps one of the satanic agendas behind abortion, is to rob fathers of fatherhood, and another demonic agenda behind rampant divorce and single motherhood, is to promote the devastation of "being fatherless or an orphan."

i was totally blown away by this statement..i mean don't u think it makes perfect sense.. like it's happening everywhere and we least see the agenda behind such occurences.. stoopid devil.

and like yesterday's sermon was like..wah..i never realised we were so close to the end..!! scary man. means we have to be more than prepared. u never know till the day comes..

and ha..guess wad..my vision or something like that, which i had during the last night of camp is actually going to happen in say..1+ years..heh..u ask what? i say..not for you to know..hehe. the short discussion on sat gave me the confirmation.. so exciting..!! ((: ha..i'm super super excited..!!! hees..

i made * angry! ):

wah..i seriously think i made someone angry yesterday..but i din mean too..aaah..i feel so super bad now..but hopefully the person understands my reasons for doing so..aah..i feel so bad.. but i mean..i was just trying to get things lined up.not intending any other thing..like aww..it was probably a misconception. but seriously i dunt want it to last.. i'll be too sad.. waah. * better not not say anything when i see *

hehe..just dug up my diary today..like wah, i never knew i was so ..like emotional..or smth like dat..like eew..i was so wah..dunno lah..haha..but yah, i seriously din realise how attached i could get over something..but it's rather interesting to see how you thought last time about something u find so normal now..i mean this diary is quite recent lah..like end of last year to first few months of this yr..aiyo..i seriously don't believe i was like that..and now i truly see that i'm a whole different person on the inside compared to the crazy or sometimes indifferent me. yah..but dunt get me wrong..i'm not that 2-faced la. i'm still normal and sane and all..haha. but after reading everything, i found out that truly i placed all and i really mean all my trust on God lor..like everything also i left it to God to decide and truly He made a way for me..and like wah..i never knew i was like dat..haha..wait till i dig up those of my primary school days or even just a few years back..haha..see what new truths i can unravel.

church camp!!!

heh..the long awaited camp..it came after a long wait..and just left so quickly!!! argh..i hate it when things happen like dat. hmph. haha..anyway..like wow..camp was..''way to go!!'' haha. but seriously..if i am not wrong.. i felt the presence of God resting upon me at practically every session..and seriously..u can feel it one..super powerful i tell u. and like..sis karen..pst nikki and pst satish..woah..power man .. and the way the many healings took place was seriously wow. haha..guess wad? God healed me too!! i have regained my tolerance for dairy products!! which means i can eat cheesecake again!!!! must buy me one ah..heh.. and also..my right foot got extended like about 1/2 an inch..cos it used to like 1+ inch shorter than my left..then can't wear my favourite slipper cos one side is loose and the other is just right..hais..but now sort of better ah.. also.. most wonderfully..i got healed of my once-terrible condition of sweaty palms..i mean yes.it still does sweat..but not as bad as before..not bad right! then when pst nikki asked those who got healed to pray for others to get healed..i was like super shocked at first la..then i went about..praying..i felt abit intimidated cos everyone around me like took 3-4 mins to pray for each person and i took like 1 min..cos they were all praying so intensely..and yah..then it felt as if my prayers were too short and simple..but still i couldn't do much about the way i prayed and continued la..

and whaddya know? that evening( or was it the next morning?) one of the person i prayed for came up to me and said that her ear infection was completely healed..and i was rather taken aback and all i said was ''praise God!!'' and i walked away. i went back to my seat(or was it my hotel room??) and asked God a rather silly question..why He still healed people despite the fact that short unemotional prayers and strong extravagant prayers were made? like how people shout and push and pray for people..i just didn't get it..until the holy spirit told me.. it's only a matter of faith. and God, being God..will answer. it's like even faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. so i got it. even if someone uttered the shortest prayer of '' God heal her'' or something like that..it will still work out if the person only believed. and then another question popped in my head.. why then, do people talk so highly of those who pray those loud, strong extravagant prayers and talk nothing of those short quiet ones? i mean both work equally well u know.. then it hit me again. heh, why of course. they were only human. they had faults and ya..such things do happen..no matter who they were..leaders or just ordinary members of the church.. they make mistakes. for some reason i felt silly asking those questions.. haha

overall..i guess basically God was again trying to tell me that.. ''hey, i'm always here if you need Me. just ask.'' cos..ya.i tend to forget that i can always trust God in everything and that He is the sole reason i live. and sometimes i go around doing things out of my own strength and time and time again i fail and get discouraged. and the camp was like a wake up call for me to get up and walk and not sit and soak. cos i guess i have soaked enough. yepp.. so that's more or less what i have to say. yepp.. and you people out there.. GOD LOVES U LOTS! =))

woohoo!! i have finally done it! heh..my very own..ta-da!